Monday, May 13, 2013

The Stuttering Bard of York by Rundy Purdy



The Stuttering Bard of York  by Rundy Purdy


This was a refreshing story for me, an action parody that seems to be mimicking the intentionally hilarious live action family hero series from nineteen nineties television. Right down to the characters with comically exaggerated characteristics and a corny portrayal of the world, whilst taking it all completely seriously. If you want to take the story as parody, you can, but you can also take it as a serious adventure. It's corny without being stupid, and serious without being dark.

Each of the characters have exaggerated characteristics which is actually for me a good thing. I actually love exaggerated personalities, since that generally means the story is going to revolve around fleshing out those personalities more than usual. This story does not disappoint on that end and actually the story is very much character driven. For a while, I thought this story might be another 11!

I wanted to give this story a high score, and just about did while reading the first half. However as the story went on, something seemed wrong with its formula. Our main protagonist have exaggerated characteristics not only for personality, but for fighting abilities, which is generally all the explanation we get for how they get out of huge scrapes and... Well often that really isn't a sufficient explanation. One character being abnormally strong due to strenuous work on the farm rather than harsh training, can make sense, but it doesn't explain how said person can battle and overcome opponents with actual combat training, especially when the author insists on having groups of ten to maybe even fifty men attack him at once. Maybe his excess strength can explain success over one or even multiple opponents, but eventually the author completely loses believability. This not only effects believability, but as I stated, the story takes its world seriously, thus when our heroes go into battle, there is supposed to be a chance they can die. However in this story the main characters plow through opponents like three twelve year old's fighting a group of kindergarteners. In the end, in most battles in the story, it just doesn't feel like there is any threat.

I loved the characters, but the lack of a feeling that there was any danger and a lack of believability or explanations for just how our characters are so tough, really did wear the final score. 8.25 with one bonus point, bringing the story’s final score to a 9.25 out of a possible 12. Generally I advise an author seriously think revision if they can’t make over 9 points and well, I think this story could sell on the strength of its characters, but yes, the fact that the conflict lacks a feeling of real danger is something the author should think about fixing. Also upon reflection, there is a major tonal shift in the story. I would recommend some work.

As to the objectionable rating, there actually was a large amount of gore towards the later parts of the story, so -2 there. For violence there is plenty of “righteous killing” bad guys constantly dropping like flies, so -2 there as well. Really that’s only a -4 out of a possible -25. Upon thought the story doesn’t strike me as much more damaging for a child to read than watching the old Beast Wars cartoon. Just keep in mind, after a while, things do start to heat up.      

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The Stuttering Bard of York is a wonderfully cheesy adventure done in the style of mid to late nineties action stories. You can laugh to your heart’s content at the silliness of it all, or you can take the adventure seriously, it’s up to you. It’s a good fun adventure and can appeal to many tastes. Give it a shot, it’s sure to brighten your day.
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And with the author plug out of the way, here are the details of how the score was decided:
Warning: Spoilers may be ahead.

Spelling/Grammar
Score: ¾
Actually this story was pretty well proof read, especially in the first few chapters. And this wasn’t really due to “authonomy syndrome”, it was consistently pretty good. However every few chapters I did see a mistake and eventually I realized I would have to leave some kind of mark. A few more proof reads and I’m certain the author will catch most of his mistakes, he seems better at this than most authors I’ve read on the site.

Interesting Plot
Score: 1
The story of the Stuttering Bard, like I said in the promo, is one that really allows the reader to decide how seriously he takes it. Far from a Monty Python sketch but more corny than your traditional Hollywood thriller, and its confident with both. Set in a fantasy world, where exactly our characters are is never really spelled out. Instead we learn about the world as the characters journey through it. This could be earth or it could be another world. It’s a fantasy story and one of the elements this story pulls off well that many other fantasy stories tend to lose sight of, is well, fantasy. After all, who says a fantasy story has to abide by the rules we’re use to? Our characters are normal people who are able to turn the tide just by sheer determination and surprise everyone with just how effective they are. In short, it’s a fantasy like what we dream up at work when we’re bored. It’s dreamed up to be fun, and of course, it can be fun whatever your definition of fun is.

Good Direction
Score: ½
While this story does flow nicely from a to b to c, and the tone is both light hearted and take itself seriously there are still a few problems with direction.

The first apparent problem is one the reader will probably miss and keep going, but still, I would be remiss not to mention it. After Ben leaves his home town there is a huge shift in tone. Really in York, the story was beginning to feel like 8-bit Theater or Abbott and Costello. The characters were pretty dumb and this was likely meant to be an exaggeration of small community style dwellings. It did well enough for this, but the reader has no clue that the rest of their world is not like this until Ben leaves for his journey, and we see a world of people who really are a lot smarter and more put together than the people from York. It’s not insulting as they’re also a few shades less friendly and it seems they’re actually worse off for it. The problem is, it‘s a pretty dynamic change. Even Ben eventually starts seeming too smart for the people of York as he speaks as though their barter system made sense, when in reality it was made up on the spot without anyone having a clue what was worth what or why. In York dozens of different societal models were parodied, like communism, socialism, capitalism and intelligentsia. However for the rest of the book, most of the jokes are character centered and the world around them seems to know where it’s going for better or worse. I feel that the rest of the world should have silly things about it as well, but maybe if the author feels he can’t keep that kind of tone up for the whole book without turning it into too much of a parody, he should reduce the number of jokes in the beginning.

Another big issue is Ben and his eggs. Ben constantly guards a small sack of eggs he traded his horse for, so his horse could be kept while he was on his rough journey. Normally Ben protects the eggs like they’re more important than life itself, just because of how much he misses his horse Ned. However whenever even the slightest expense comes along, even when someone else is paying the bill and Ben has been told repeatedly that the eggs aren’t worth anything, Ben continues to offer them as payment. It feels like the author can’t make up his mind if he wants to make fun of Ben’s attachment to the eggs, or make jokes about the differences between a barter and currency based system. What’s worse, spoiler warning, we never actually find out if Ben gets Ned back. Actually the story ends with the issue being ignored like it never really mattered.

Finally, the biggest issue and the one I discussed in the opening. This story has dozens of battles between our heroes and goblins, bad guys, wild animals, monsters and wizards. The problem is that two thirds of their battles are with upwards of ten creatures at a time, all likely more skilled than then our heroes, and the bad guys not only fail to beat them, but essentially get bulldozed. Their enemies, for reasons never really explored, don’t stand a chance. This makes huge battle scenes feel like just filler as our heroes are never in any real danger. The main cast rarely gets injured unless they’re fighting super monsters and again, baring fights with said monsters, injuries are generally pretty superficial. Our heroes end up killing three or four bad guys a minute and not a single one is able to go more than one round against them. The ironic thing is, this is actually slightly realistic. Most lethal confrontations last seconds, not minutes, and the only way to survive against multiple opponents is to plow through them as fast as possible. However also in reality, if you can do that against multiple opponents, you are probably way out of their league. To establish danger with stylized violence, battles have to last, and not just between our heroes and hordes, but between our heroes and single enemies. This give us a sense that they’re having trouble, and when the big super monsters show up, instead of feeling like they’re the only credible threat in the whole story, we’re actually intimidated, wondering if after all their previous troubles, our heroes will even make it out of this. Also, perhaps the number of bad guys should be reduced in each fight. Twenty or so goblins and men attack our heroes and are slaughtered our heroes only receiving minor cuts as a result. Our heroes then face three grave hounds and are almost killed but just one. Really that says more about the previous opponents than the hounds.

Author Interest
Score: 1
The author of this story is fairly active on authonomy. Again I haven’t seen any advertisements as I approached him, but I can still see a willingness to put effort into making people notice his work. The corrections I’ve seen from him are methodical on my work, and his responses to my own remarks were thoughtful and quick.

Believable Main Characters
Score: ½
This is another area where the poorly constructed fight scenes really hurt the narrative. This time it’s to a point that can’t be ignored and I feel some enjoyment for the story is sacrificed. Like I said, this is a story that can be taken seriously as it’s played straight faced. This is true accept when the characters fight. The characters act and talk like the fights are scary to them and even quite a work out, but they’re still plowing through the bad guys with record speed. What’s worse is that there is fundamentally no explanation for how they’re able to do this. Ben is strong, Ernie is useless and Jess has moderate training. But this doesn’t explain their success, in fact if that’s all they have, it just makes the story less believable, even by its own standards. The characters are interesting and funny, but in the end, they feel like some strange kind of creatures, not humans.
 
Likable Main Characters
Score: 2
The mark of a good character is that I can still like him or her immensely, despite any and all flaws in storytelling. This is like good character design in drawing, no matter who bad the drawing, you can generally still tell who bugs bunny is. Ben is silly and adjusted to a simple life and people, where Jess is used to a life of plenty. There is never an attempt to shame either party for thinking their problems are a big deal and in reality they are big problems or goofy ones, just like everyone has in the real world. All three leads are funny at the same time as having strong convictions about the world, and whether those convictions work or not is up to you, as everything is made fun of equally. The bonus point goes to just how goofy and even dumb the characters are, without making me think less of them for it. Ernie is an annoying back up character, but I was actually able to enjoy the jokes surrounding him, and root for his character when he actually did stand up for himself despite his overzealous self-proclaimed pacifism.

Likable Side Characters
Score: ½ 
This is another place where frequent battles with hordes of nameless foes pulls the story down. We see twenty or thirty people get killed, barely hear a word from them and no one even mentions burying them. It’s like they were all just cannon fodder. This was not true in Ben’s hometown, where each character was fleshed out and was a caricature of a different societal or philosophical view point, but after we leave the town, characters seem to move in and out of the story, generally without having stories of their own. Even Rimmah, the main bad guy, has no real back story. Why is he evil, what does he really want, how did he get into a position of prestige, how did he get his powers etc, etc, none of these questions are really answered by the time the story is finished. The only bad character that gets a little development is Dougyal who is really just an oversized henchmen for the main boss.  The author really needs to work on developing characters quickly, even when they don’t have much “camera time”. True, not every goblin to get flayed by our heroes needs to be an ex-philosopher from far off lands with a tragic back story, but at least a few to them should have personalities that shine through during the short time we read about them.

Good Scene Descriptions
Score: 1
The descriptions in this story are pretty good and keep with the goofy tone. Each new environment seems to have a personality of its own, which true to form, is generally exaggerated to a near comedic extent. Not too little not too much and it keeps things fun.

Targeting
Score: 1
This seems to be geared towards the light hearted fantasy lover, especially with all the tropes that can be seen reflecting other books or even TV shows in the same category. Perhaps the author’s weakness with fight scenes reflects how those productions often are with side characters. I think members of this audience will generally be pleasantly surprised by what they read.

Broad Appeal
Score: 1
Unlike many fantasy stories, this one doesn’t require an advanced understanding of an intricate world in order to be enjoyed. There’s a basic premise that just accepts that magic exists and runs with it. It may be too corny for some, but for most this will be an enjoyable romp, for the goofy and the adventurous.