Well
here we are, another story with a score over 9, which means I’m
almost contractually obligated to say the author should go straight
to a publisher... well he could, I truly believe he could. However
from my personal point of view there are a few issues I would
recommend fixing before he goes to a publisher anyway. And as far as
outright promoting this work personally... that’s in the air. Read
the note at the end if you’re curious.
The
story here was actually very exciting and well written, if a bit
cliché. I’ve said it before on that end (if not here than
somewhere else), if the clichés weren’t good, they wouldn’t be
clichés, thus no, that isn’t a bad thing in my book. There are a
few negatives in that, since the major plot points of the book were
pretty easy to predict, but lest we forget that the journey is often
more important than the destination. The characters were likeable
when they were supposed to be and hate-able when they were meant to
be and the message felt like it would win almost anyone over.
This
is a Christian story and is as black and white as those stories often
are. To be fair, I often enjoy a good straight forward story with no
moral gray areas though, and really, there’s no undo amount of
preaching. The story does talk about a lot of modern Christian
doctrine at length, but avoids outright calling anyone a heathen or
even coming close to criticizing other ideologies. Not to say that
criticizing other faiths can never be done or done right, but this
story seems meant to be have broad appeal and it pulls that off. It
is not a 23 chapter sermon disguised as a children’s adventure.
How
did the story fare rating wise? Well Mr. Lumbatis almost got a bonus
point which would have gotten him a ten, but he lost it as the story
went on, which is something I’ll address in the review body. Still,
9.25 out of twelve possible and zero bonus points means he did pretty
well. Normally, I’d say he just needs a few grammar revisions at
this point, but like I said before, there are a few issues he might
like to address first.
As
to the objectionable rating, here we go. As to gore, there is blood
but very little, I’ll only give that a -1. There is also a number
of mentions of child abuse and even torture, meaning I would have to
give a -2 for innocent characters being subjected to punishment
beyond criminal level, but never on camera to an extreme degree. As
to violence, don’t ask me to explain exactly how, but this story
manages to be themed around a war, but none of the characters in the
story actually die, meaning again, only a -1. Finally, a -1 for
ideology I take issue with (see note at the end). This goes to a
total of -5 out of a possible -25. Generally a good read for slightly
older children. (Really this is probably the same rating Lost and
Found would have gotten were I to review it.)
__________________________________________________________
A
classic story of good vs. evil with a Christian spin, Daniel and the
Sun Sword is an enrapturing story that children will enjoy. While the
story is pointedly Christian, there is nothing that most people would
find all that objectionable, even if they’re not of that persuasion
and the story can be objectively enjoyed. The characters are
memorable, the story is fast paced and I had a hard time putting it
down, despite being outside the target age range.
__________________________________________________________
And
with the author plug out of the way, here are the details of how the
score was decided:
Warning:
Spoilers may be ahead.
Spelling/Grammar
Score:
¾
And
here is where many people want me to get specific, but I rarely see a
point. If something major in the story needs to be changed, then
there’s little point in me pointing out grammar mistakes that may
be rewritten. Mr. Lumbatis has a good command of his writing and
though he does have the occasional mistake, it’s not enough to make
anything hard to read, nor to suggest an actual problem that he
himself could not track down after a few rereads. I would tell him to
read the story aloud a few times and he should find most of them.
Interesting
Plot
Score:
1
As
I said, much of this story feels a little cliché. It’s a story
where God chooses a series of champions to fight the devil, with your
normal line up of the rebel, the abandoned and the middle class kid.
No bonus points for guessing that the rebel turns out to have
questionable allegiances or for guessing that the story centers on
the abandoned kid’s journey to a better circumstance and acceptance
of his past. Those things are par for the course, but the question
is, are they pulled off in an interesting manner that you’ll want
to read this version of the story of the trio of destined champions?
Well yes actually. Daniel (the abandoned) is a relatable character
and Ben (the middle class kid) is likeable as a person and sounds
like he would be a good friend. Raylin (the rebel) does step off the
straight and narrow, but not for unbelievable reasons and I was
interested to see how she was won back over which... actually she
wasn’t fully, which was probably the only really not so black and
white ending to the story. The story is also open for obvious sequels
and I would enjoy seeing those. The story is also very convincing in
most of the messages it tries to put forth.
Good
Direction
Score:
1
Actually
this story’s logic and reasoning were very easy to follow. The pace
of the story was just right, not moving without explaining things, or
spending too much time on scenes that didn’t need to exist. Really
despite not feeling much suspense, I still felt myself enjoying
reading each page. There are a few mistakes, which I pointed out to
the author already, but for the most part very little is out of
place. (Those mistakes I would recommend the author fix before
attempting to publish, as they were pretty bad mistakes, if not far
reaching.)
Author
Interest
Score:
1
Mr.
Lumbatis actively promotes his book.
Believable
Main Characters
Score:
¾
As
with many stories of black and white, the characters can only be so
believable. The main cast is believable for the most part, but other
people are often laughably unrealistic. No one like the Gurges exists
in real life, thank God, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying
their nigh cartoon villain type abuse of Daniel in a slightly sadist
light. (Get off your high horse if you laughed at Wile E Coyote, the
abuse scenes were not that dark.) Most of the villains are straight
up sadists or have ridiculously over inflated egos. At times these
antagonist were funny, awesome and even scary. Who knows why, but we
all love villains that can make us feel emotions about them, without
feeling realistic. (Yes I believe in the devil, but no one really
knows his motivations in real life, we only assume
straight forward unsympathetic ones.)
Likable
Main Characters
Score:
1
Now
we get to my major reason for saying the author might want to do a
rewrite. The writer pulled a Jar-Jar Binks. A main character who
becomes very obnoxious, has no real power of his own to drive the
plot and is constantly becoming a damsel in distress stand in. Ben.
This actually drove me nuts as in the beginning of the story, almost
every character was perfect, INCLUDING Ben. Daniel was believable and
sympathetic, Raylin was a tough girl who was very useful in a fight
and Ben was a kid with little skill or luck, but a heart of gold,
determined to help people he didn’t even know despite his fear and
inadequacies. However once the main plot got going, Ben’s
determination went away and he became so terrified of even mostly
benign things he would become physically ill. I got that this was
supposed to set up a character arch for Ben, teaching the value of
bravery but... it just didn’t work. Ben early in the story possibly
risks life and limb to help Daniel escape abusive adoptive parents
and even helps fight a 16 year old champion high school wrestler
(himself only in junior high) when he has no talent at all for
martial arts. He’s nervous through all of these events, but seems
to have very little to learn about bravery. It feels more like the
lesson concerning Ben should have been about true courage and
recognizing that just because someone doesn’t have awesome powers
or know martial arts, doesn’t mean they’re useless. However Ben
WAS useless from that point on. Or maybe the lesson could have been
that one needs to not be naive and prepare for bad things in life to
happen. Ben could have learned a few martial arts moves and been
woken up to just how much he needed to think about life outside the
protective arms of his parents. However he just whined about wanting
to go home for the entire journey. To Mr. Lumbatis, please, fix this
character, I LIKED him in the beginning. I felt like he was being
picked on and I wanted to defend him. Despite my disappointment with
Ben, I loved the other characters and felt the villains were just the
right level of awesome. The author maintains a good score here, if
only because he sacrificed the bonus point he almost got.
Likable
Side Characters
Score:
1
This
story had several side characters, but they weren’t just window
dressing. Everyone in the story had a personality and a life beyond
just the main story. (Aside from Daniel as this was HIS story so his
life was pretty much contained therein. Still had great personality.)
The author even avoided having characters show up just be killed or
injured to show how buff his baddies were. Bad, good and neutral, all
of the side characters were interesting to read and a few of them
could have had books of their own.
Good
Scene Descriptions
Score:
1
Mr.
Lumbatis was great at describing different settings and objects. At
times I felt like I was watching a movie, but one not directed by
Michal Bay. I could understand what things were supposed to look
like, even when the writer was having massive explosions go off and
epic battles.
Targeting
Score:
1
This
is a story targeted directly at young Christian audiences. That being
said, its doctrine was pretty on the nose and mainstream so I think
most Christian parents would approve it. It was also enjoyable in its
own right, and had enough action and comedy to keep younger minds
engaged.
Broad
Appeal
Score:
¾
As
I said this story is exciting, not condemning of other religions in
tone and just all around fun. However its doctrine is very on the
nose and if you understand certain doctrines and don’t agree with
them, you’re going to find yourself having serious problems. This
story does not allow for wiggle room, even on minor points. This is a
category which I would strongly suggest the author think about. The
story would probably fair better allowing things to be more general,
just telling a story similar to Christianity, like the Chronicles of
Narnia, that just hits the major points.
Note:
The
views expressed in the following are the heart felt beliefs of the
author of this blog and each person can take or leave them as he
wishes.
Like
I said earlier, I have a personal problem with this story. One that I
can’t in good conscience ignore to the point of total unbiased
promotion. Again, since the story does not allow for wiggle room,
demanding that its doctrines are RIGHT, I myself have a problem. The
story insists that nothing in life occurs without a purpose, more
specifically eluding to the idea that God Himself plans everything. I seriously disagree.
If
anyone is interested, my full opinion on absolute fate is on the next
blog entry. The entry is not to be seen as a condemnation or
refutation of anything Mr. Lumbatis has said to me himself, simply a
cross examination of a doctrine he promoted in his book. Do no read
on if you do not wish to see someone challenge the doctrine that God plans out everything ahead of time, or wish
not to feel the need to question it yourself. You have been warned.
