Review: Universal Constance: The Haunted Shadow

Universal Constance: The Haunted Shadow by  Leon Gower

http://www.authonomy.com/books/42933/universal-constance-the-haunted-shadow/

This is a story that I feel I created a woefully inadequate grading scale for. Really the story needs some attention in the area of a few quick fixes that would not ultimately change the story itself. However I feel that if it does not receive these corrections it cannot be taken seriously. Normally I declare my scale to be a pass or fail. If you receive a score lower than 5, it’s back to the drawing board, lower than 9, you need major revisions. Higher than 9 you have a solid story that you should be pushing to publishers. This story however falls in between needing major revisions and being ready for publishing… somehow that is possible.

Universal Constance really is a story that is worth the read. The four chapters I read had me begging for more and I hope someday to read the rest. Here is the score up front, 9.25 out of 12. For regular points the story receives an 8.25 out of 10 and for bonuses it receives 1 point for a very unique character, Constance herself.

As to objectionable material, I actually didn’t find any. Perhaps if an individual generally shies away from stories that involve and encourage meditation that is a consideration, however as far as directly sensitive material, there was none. Again, I can’t be sure that the story could be given a complete G rating, after all, I’ve only read four chapters.

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A great suspense slash character study, Universal Constance is the story of young Constance as she slowly begins to realize that there is something very wrong with her world, or at least the way she perceives it. Is she going insane, or are outside forces really hunting her and trying to communicate with her from space or even the great beyond? The author of this story takes great care in setting up a character that many will be able to directly relate to, and the narrative itself moves along at a good pace, never revealing too much too early. It’s really great to read a story that has a balance of plot AND characters.

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Now that I’ve given the author a plug she can use if she likes, here’s the meat of the review.

Warning: Spoilers may be ahead.

Full scoring explanation.

1.      Spelling/Grammar

Score: ¾

Really there was not a massive number of mistakes in this area, nor a big misunderstanding that I could track. However the story did have enough mistakes that I must say it is in need of a few out loud readings. I do not feel there is anything I need to explain to the author, he just needs to look over the story again.

2.      Interesting Plot

Score: 1

Having only read 4 chapters, I can’t guess the entire arch of this story, but I can guess the basic premise. The question of if our lead character is part of something bigger, or if she is indeed going insane is an interesting thread. Also the creation of a character who in reality could be found in any given neighborhood living a not so extraordinary situation, makes it so I believe that this is a real person. The story contains no real giveaways which keep suspense high.

3.      Good Direction

Score: ½  

This is one of the major categories that can’t be missed no matter what. Direction, plot, likeable main characters and scene description. Any one of these areas a story misses, revision is not an option, it is a must.

Here are the two areas in direction where this story appeared to fail.

First the story is told in third person omniscient, changing from one person’s perspective to the next on what feels like completely random intervals. Three or four pages will go by told completely from Constance’ perspective, only to have one paragraph from another person’s perspective, and then straight back to Constance for another few pages. I think the writer really needs to force her narrator into first person or third person limited, as otherwise the effect is jarring and very difficult to follow. Several times I had to read a paragraph three or four times just to figure out who’s thoughts and perspective was being analyzed.

The second problem is not so critical to reading period, but I must stress its overall importance. This first chapter of this story is a character introduction. Unfortunately it gives no real suspense. Even what could be hints of the unusual are given mundane explanations, with no reasons given for the reader to doubt such explanations. The first few sentences of the story will pull the reader in, but the chapter itself will probably lose him as absolutely nothing of significance is introduced, explained or played out. Personally I fell in love with the character and I suspect many will, but they still won’t know why their reading about this person in the first place.

4.      Author Interest

Score: 1

The author of this story is actively involved in promoting it and reading other works.

5.      Believable Main Characters

Score: 1

Most psychological thrillers/ character studies I’ve read or seen, concentrate on an individual with exaggerated and obvious problems. Such individuals are hard to believe as walking among the normal population with no one ever questioning them. Constance has a few of the same traits as people like this, she sees odd things, hears voices, talks to herself and acts wierd. But there’s a few twists.

Really the pair of “voices” Constance hears are not direct references to insanity clechies and could easily be taken as a conscience and inner voice of reason. The odd things Constance sees are often given rational explanations by her mind until a meditation class she takes forces her to take them seriously. Finally the self-talking and unusual behavior is simply her reasoning things out and having simple personality traits. This story takes an interesting spin on things, instead of taking an obviously unstable person and making us question if they could possibly be the only sane person left, the story takes what appears to be a sane person with human personality traits, and causes the reader to throw doubt on the normal.

6.      Likable Main Characters

Score: 1

+1 bonus

I completely identified with the main character. I talk to reason out problems, often act goofy and have a hard time relating to other people my age. She essentially feels like an outcast individual nonetheless moving through life just like everyone else. She’s not crazy, she’s just “not normal”. Which is exactly how I’ve always felt. I guess in this case I began to see myself in a character that was actually very specific rather than having broad traits. This is a risk as many will not relate to her, however many will and I applaud the effort to make a character that feels like a person, rather than a stage of existence or political archetype. Constance isn’t “a girl at 20” she’s Constance.

7.      Likable Side Characters

Score: 1

Most of the side characters in this story had their own stories to tell, as well as their own feelings. Perhaps not a paranormal story, but the story could have been written about any of them and still could have held an audience. The writer never does delve into trying to write out the “typical stages of life”. (To be honest, I actually usually feel that “stages of life” based characters are a cop out for writers who want to have deep characters, but not work at it enough to also create unique ones that actually feel like their own person. The question is not, “do I believe your character at nine?”, it’s “do I believe your character named Jason who happens to be nine?”.)

8.      Good Scene Descriptions

Score: 1

The scene description in this story is actually pretty good and very detailed, without ever feeling like it’s taking a detour to explain something unnecessary. Essentially you get a feel for where the characters are and what their interacting with. But also you get enough of a feel to recognize places when they start showing up in dreams and the author starts to play with our perception of reality. This is always something that is hard to write I suppose, since the writer wants the reader to second guess which is the real world, however not necessarily be confused as to which world we’re reading about at any given time. Kudos on pulling this off, I’ve rarely seen it done on this level.

9.      Targeting

Score: 0

This is well targeted for suspense and character study. However I do find a slight problem. The story itself is promoted as sci-fi, however the first four chapters that are currently up of this story never really touch on any sci-fi themes in any depth. If this is meant to be a sci-fi story, I would strongly recommend at least introducing something of a sci-fi theme faster than four chapters.

10.  Broad Appeal

Score: 1

Really, even if you don’t directly relate to the character of Constance, you can be brought to understand her, which is refreshing as many character studies focus very much on trying to confuse the reader in order to appear deep. (Really, if the reader has no idea what you wrote, I don’t call it deep, I call it a failure to communicate.) The language is simple but the story itself will have you questioning your reality. If films like the Truman Show and the Matrix are any indication, making people doubt the real world, is often considered fun by the audience.

Rules for Traveler of the Mists

Rules for Traveler series.

As this series is starting to get volunteers (yes, I just got one) I figured I would start to lay down some ground rules. Just a few but they are vital.

• The Format

Traveler of the Mists is a series that is split into episodes, much like a TV series. Each episode has a maximum of five chapters, think of these like segments. I’m not going to clarify a word count, let’s just say your max for each chapter is ten pages at twelve font with half inch margins. In total that’s a fifty page story, so it’s plenty of room. Yes, I do want you to try to come up with a good hook for an ending for each segment, don’t have the story just stop at the end of a chapter. You wouldn’t do that for a regular story so don’t do it here.

Joshua’s weapon will evolve in each world.

• This is my storyline, I am in charge of it. You own your characters and story, not mine.

I’m sure this sounds snooty to some, but it has to be said. If I say to your idea to have Salina and Jebadiah have highly sexually charged romance, “over my dead body”, then you can write a fan fiction of my stuff on your own time, but no, you don’t get to rewrite my characters or write them doing things I say no to.

Conversely, I promise any boundaries you set for your characters while I’m writing, I will treat with respect, after all, you have copyright to your characters. If your cowboy is a tough battle hardened gun slinger, I won’t have him crying in the corner cause he saw a bunny with teeth. If I propose something happens that you say is against the rules of your world or that is something you say your character would never do, I’ll have to think of something else.

No, I will not need to read over your shoulder or need to approve every sentence. Once you finish a chapter send it to me and I’ll go over it. For the most part, I have faith in the writers I pick. After all, I read their work, so if I see they can’t really handle the craft of writing, I will politely turn them down to work on the writing part of a story. To be honest I won’t want to work with a story I think is bad period.

Yes, usually I will have a basic outline of events that have to occur in your story at some point in order for the plot of the story in general to move along.

• If you’re going to write, learn the story up until now. This may take a fair bit of reading.

Yes, you will need to actually read my story to write for it. And not just whatever happens to be available at the time you first talk to me either. You have to have read up to the last chapter before your world comes into the story. As a for instance, if you write for Traveler, I don’t want you writing that Neromes is a mutant or soul reaper or whatever because you guessed that from reading the third episode only. He is a demon and you should know things like that after reading the name “demon king” several times in the first few episodes. I’ll forgive lapses in judgment and memory, after all, the story is mine not yours so I can’t expect perfection. I do expect you to change parts of the story that outright contradict or ignore important points. For instance, no, Zack will not suddenly look like a regular guy, since he’s not a regular guy, he’s not even human.

• This is not a sexual story. This is not a torture story.

 Everyone has their own pet peeves. Mine is torture scenes and overzealous sexual presentations. You will notice my stories are violent, but there is no reveling in how much physical pain I can possibly cause to a character. Characters can die, be injured, be placed in great peril and can even be shown being tied up or otherwise helpless in a scary situation. However we’ll just say that the physical pain of the character must NOT be the point of the scene. Violence implies blood. It does not imply being tortured by a sadist. Also I have no problem with characters expressing love or even infatuation and implying that they had sexual relations, and even clarifying when they had them. What I do have a problem with is full on sexual encounters being described in the middle of one of the chapters. To me this feels like trying to sell a story based on the lowest common denominator, sexual attraction. You may not feel this way, but I do.

• There is NO check list.

 None. If Neromes does not have a show down with Yellow Eyes in your story like he did in the last two episodes, good! That means the story is original. If the last story had a child die and there is a child in your story, having him live and pal around with Joshua until he leaves is just fine.

Okay, so one check list item… in each story Joshua’s weapon gets a new form if he goes to a new world. (Yes, he may revisit a world or two, thus his weapon will not change for that episode.) How effective it is, or what it does is up to you and me at the time. Just remember it has to have be relative in size.

• Yellow Eyes must be a threat to your world and Neromes must be a big deal

 No, you cannot kick the main series villains into a corner somewhere and take the characters on an adventure of your choosing. Yes, you can have the characters go on an adventure to find a lost kid or something at the same time as fighting Yellow Eyes and/or (sorry, spoiler, that will eventually be a thing) Neromes. Yes, there can be a bigger problem, but that would have to be a pretty big threat, considering we’re talking either the destruction of an entire universe, or throwing it into chaos. If you want the characters to have a side mission of any kind, that’s fine, but figure out a balance.

• Traveler characters cannot be irrelevant

 Yes, Jeb, Joshua, Salina (who technically belongs to another writer herself) and one of the Fade personalities will need to appear in your story somewhere and be important. They can’t just show up in your universe, deliver the message that’s it’s in danger, and then go on a camping trip or something while your characters take care of business.

• Your characters must be important.

No, I don’t want my characters to just have a solo adventure on a world where no other characters become important. Why would I have them travel to a new universe without featuring the people of that universe? They must be important too, not just a series of extras wondering around in the background.

• Your world must be featured and it’s rules must be meaningful.

 No, I don’t want you to rewrite the rules of your universe that you already established in a book you wrote, to fit a story you have in mind for my guys. I also don’t want everyone to fight in space or some other place where your universe’s uniqueness is irrelevant. (Unless you have a space based civilization and that’s part of why it’s unique.)

• Try to keep your tone “on the level”.

 I’m the writer of “Lost and Found”, surely I must enjoy kid friendly stories! Well indeed I do, but not in the middle of a series well known for intense violence. There is no gauge for how much blood MUST be spilled and really not a single person has to die in scene, however I’ll just say that if suddenly the level of violence goes from Nightmare on Elm Street to Care Bears, readers are libel to get annoyed.

• You do not need to “outdo” the last guy.

 If the last guy had a really powerful dragon in his story, you don’t need a bigger one to show up. Don’t concentrate on doing everything the last episode did; only better, just write a good episode period. I’m not going to have a series that follows the pattern of Dragon Ball Z where the stakes continuously artificially rise and characters get more and more “powerful” every episode. Actually my characters are most powerful in their home universes, save for Joshua. (Well save for Jeb too, but he doesn’t really have powers.)

• Do not “punk” my characters.

No, I’m not looking to have a small street gang completely decimate my guys for no other reason besides “they don’t got street cred” or something dumb like that. If someone threatens Neromes with a gun, Neromes should laugh off the gunman like the idiot he is for threatening an Elder God with a nine mil.

In Transit Review: Ikuista: The Fade of Dawn

In Transit review:
Note: An “In Transit” review is a story I feel is still “on its way”. This simply means a production isn’t complete or is in need of a rewrite. It also means I’m likely to revisit the story if it gets a rewrite.

 

Ikuista: The Fade of Dawn by  Myunique Green

http://www.authonomy.com/books/43041/ikuista-the-fade-of-dawn/

Ikuista is a good example of a story that was otherwise classic and imaginative, which had one major element holding it back. To be honest, I think the reason this element is missing isn’t because the author doesn’t understand the element itself, but it seems like she’s trying to estimate how this element might be used if her book was a story that an actual person would tell. Either that or she was so wrapped up in the action element that she didn’t want to slow down for a perceived boring task. The element she misses is descriptions. The characterizations are interesting, the actions scenes are fluid and the concepts are widely imaginative, but what any one item, person or scene looks like the reader generally isn’t told. Offhand the writer is pretty good at drawing the reader in by making him actively curious about what’s going on, and the pay offs for many scenes really are worth the buildup and rather unpredictable.

Finally, I have to say this, even if it is a point that doesn’t make the story good or bad, the author may wish to pick a title that is easier to pronounce.

Upfront, the total score of the story was 8.5 out of 12, meaning no bonus points and 8.5 regular points. The author here is actually pretty strong in most categories and if not for her misstep, this would have been one of the better stories I’ve read on authonomy. However missing one key category meant the story hit a glass ceiling. I have full confidence this glass ceiling can be broken, and really would love to see the result when it is, so yes, the author could look me up to review a second time.

As to the objectionable rating… I really can’t tell. I’ve read four chapters out of what I’m sure is a twenty chapter story and I can see this is going to be a violent story but I don’t know how violent. The author does not seem to be afraid to show her characters seriously and even fatally injured which means -2 for a realistic amount of blood given a violent premise (no attempts to shelter the audience) and -2 for a strong indication that the lead characters killed a bad guy. -4 in all. I can’t tell if the story is going to be realistic enough to allow for good characters to die as well, but it doesn’t look like that would be outside the author’s ability to write. Myunique seems to like giving battle a realistic feel, as though both sides are at stake. Really this is my kind of story in that regard, but you’ll have to make your own minds up in that respect.

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Funny name, good story. The Fade of Dawn is an action fantasy story where two siblings meet up with a world of magic and super powers. Really the story plays out like a fantasy version of the X-Men and the writer is not afraid to take her audience seriously while having fun. One can tell that a great comic book like novel is in the works here, one that looks like it will be interesting to follow as it evolves.

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1.      Spelling/Grammar

Score: ¾

I’d be pretty hard pressed to say this story was written by an English professor, as the author makes a few tense mistakes and otherwise grammar mistakes, but generally there aren’t enough of them to make a difference in readability and they’re usually easy to understand and correct as well. No significant complaints here.

2.      Interesting Plot

Score: 1

A prophesied child is set to free a mystical world and two siblings are caught up in a wild game of super powers. Exactly how these two elements go together I’m not sure yet as, again, only 4 out of what I’m guessing is 20 chapters is actually up for this story. The setting in the prologue is obviously based on a fully imagined new world where nymphs are not only real, but rule the forest and have a somewhat advanced political system with laws and moral ideals of their own. The dynamic relationship between Alizarin and her brother Ash is also fun to watch and interesting to follow how the two look to face whatever is ahead together.  

3.      Good Direction

Score: 1

This story has plenty of action scenes that are intense and fast moving. Also as I said, the world of the nymphs actually begins to show political and moral systems that are not directly related to the human world, some of which are outright stated, while others are implied. I definitely believe that Alizarin and Ash are siblings and their reactions to situations are dictated by their personalities not character archetypes.

4.      Author Interest

Score: 1

The author of this story loves to discuss it and pays attention to critiques.

5.      Believable Main Characters

Score: ¾  

I’m really not sure who is a side or main character in the Nymph world, but once the story proper gets going with Alizarin and Ash, I mostly believe them both as people. Mostly. The problem is that often the characters will do what I have come to call “jumping”. A character “jump” occurs when an individual in a story behaves in a way that would eventually be warranted or should be warranted, but doesn’t seem to take the necessary steps to get to that behavior. This is a common problem for fantasy writers with a theme about normal people becoming involved in a fantasy world. How do you convincingly write someone coming to terms with the fact that magic is suddenly not only real, but a part of her life? Alizarin clearly resists the idea but eventually has no choice but to come around. However her brother Ash starts manipulating his powers with very little clue what they are and never really stops to ask what he can do before he does it. For instance he uses a self-cloning power before anyone really explains he has it. He does hesitate when asked to move a large truck with his bare hands, but does so when urged to, not asking for an explanation for how he could until some ten minutes later. Poor Ash really is an interesting character, but on occasion (not often) his actions lack motivation or convincing responses. One thing that really struck me as hard to get my head around, was when Alizarin proclaims to herself that she can’t live without Ash after he gets fatally injured. Sure they’re siblings, but even for brother and sister this is a strong reaction. I thought it would have been warranted to see more comradery and dependency between the two to justify a statement like that.

6.      Likable Main Characters

Score: 1

Despite that at times I couldn’t always connect the dots in relation to their actions, I did like the characters. Ash the dependable, childish and shy brother, and Alizarin the brave, assertive and analyzing sister. It actually reminded me of my own relationship with my sister, save for the fact that we’re much closer in maturity levels, and as a result, they felt like a pair I could meet in real life, minus the super powers. I will admit that nothing flew out as incredibly special, but still they were fun to watch.

7.      Likable Side Characters

Score: 1/?

All of the nymphs felt fleshed out to some degree, however if ANY of them were side characters or which ones, I don’t really know. Like I’ve said before, I know this story has a long way to go from what I read, and from what I did read, it’s hard to say who has a lead role beyond the brother and sister pair. All of the characters presented sound like they could be interesting protagonists or antagonists and as I’ve said before, it’s always nice to see that we’re not following the only interesting people in a bland world.

8.      Good Scene Descriptions

Score: 0

This is where the story lost traction. I loved watching the characters and exploring the world of the nymphs for the short few chapters, but never got a feel for what ANYONE looked like and most of the scenes had absolute bare minimum description. In the first scene a nymph of indeterminate size was pictured in a nest somewhere in a tree that had a twig sticking out into her foot. When the story proper got going, I knew basically nothing about the appearances of the siblings. I did not even their ages. This could have determined a lot about how I understood their relationship. Both siblings, could drive, lived in their parents’ house and went to an indeterminate grade in school, but that leaves all kinds of possibilities. For all I knew Alizarin was a twenty two year old college student whose parents were helping her offset the expenses of college, and Ash was her fourteen year old brother who just got his driver’s permit. If that were the case it would have gone a long way to explain the differences in their maturity and it even would have helped explain Alizarin’s panic when her brother got injured. Course the dynamic would have been completely different if they were both sixteen and fraternal twins, explaining a possibly VERY close relationship. Age/size relationships, especially where younger people are concerned, determines a lot about those people and how they are seen. A male is considered a boy at fourteen, and a scant two years later is considered to be nearly a man.

9.      Targeting

Score: 1

Really this story does feel like a fantasy story’s answer to comic books. The action is intense and the character personalities help determine events which happen in rapid succession as the stakes gradually raise. The concepts themselves are often goofy at heart but if you want, they’re not impossible to take seriously. With polish, this story will soon have the nerd population begging for a sequel.

10.  Broad Appeal

Score: 1

Though this story is reminiscent of comic books it is also accessible to the general public, not relying on comic tropes or concepts and explaining what’s going on without involving an impossible to understand back story. You don’t have to be a nerd to understand the humor and you don’t have to geek out to follow the action. Now, I’m probably going to go read Spiderman or one of my other collections because guess what, I am a nerd.

In Transit Review: The Heir

In Transit review:
Note: An “In Transit” review is a story I feel is still “on its way”. This simply means a production isn’t complete or is in need of a rewrite. It also means I’m likely to revisit the story if it gets a rewrite.

The Heir by Lisa Toohey
http://www.authonomy.com/books/39736/the-heir/

This is my second “In Transit Review” and NO, I don’t do this just whenever I can’t give someone a very good score on their story. I do this when I think the story and writer has the potential to be very good, and I can still make it look good. If I can’t meet both of those conditions, I won’t publish a review of it on my blog as this is not about embarrassing unpracticed authors, rather promoting struggling ones.

I actually know from personal experience writing with Lisa in the forums of Authonomy, that she is actually a stellar writer and I have full confidence she can fix all of the mistakes I’m going to be pointing out. Also, the story she wrote is actually pretty good. The world of Illusien is wildly imaginative the premise of the story is original and the characters are made sympathetic through subtle means. Lisa is actually VERY good at writing casual conversation, which is why I think it’s too bad that she often summarizes encounters between characters that could reveal much about them. The story also has a number of action scenes that I was disappointed to not get a play by play of, as I know the writer can pull this off beautifully. A lot happens in this story, and it needs to be longer to show case each event.

Upfront here is the score; out of a possible 12 points, the writer gets an 8, meaning 8 regular points and 0 bonus points. The writer manages to hit every point that counts, but has enough problems that the story needs some serious revising. However given it’s epic universe and wonderful characters, this really is a story I would LOVE to revisit to see the second draft.

As to the objectionable rating, I’m really not sure. The production actually implies a war on the horizon however no characters actually died in the chapters I saw. This could be that the writer was holding off until a final epic battle and actually I think it is. (The last chapter of this story is online right now however it’s over ten chapters ahead of the last chapter before it. In other words I was too lost to keep reading. It was posted to receive corrections on the forum from what I understand.) At the moment though, the story only gets a -1 for a plot that revolves around war. Again I will point out, that the intensity or harshness of a production does not in my mind say how good a story is, I’m just saying what the story holds in store in that catagory.

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The Heir is a very promising story involving war, magic and a very interesting love story with a lovable cast. The writer excels at exploring characters through conversation and action. Every character is important and feels fleshed out, even side characters. The story itself is epic and feels as though it could reach the same level as the Narnia series, having several different and intriguing ideas about a fully realized world, however keeping a relatively clean presentation.

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Plug for author out of the way, and here we go.

Warning: Spoilers may be ahead.

Full scoring explanation

1.       Spelling/Grammar

Score: ½

Normally when I say a story only gets a ½ rating on grammar and spelling, it’s because I think the author had a misunderstanding of a certain grammar rule. However this story demonstrates no common mistake, just enough mistakes that the sheer number of them eventually jars the reader. Not too many times, but on occasion they did make me have to read a full paragraph over just to figure out what was going on. I think this story really should be considered as a first draft right now.

2.       Interesting Plot

Score: 1

The plot in this story is interesting and while the motif of a mistaken identity isn’t impossible to predict, it is well set up in the universe. The idea of magic having a color scheme, being  a part of the natural order of the world and the various ways it is used and restricted adds the idea that magic in this world is not just card tricks. This world also has its own creatures, plants and geography. Essentially the world of Illusien is NOT a clone of earth where magic just happens two work, but a fully different world. Yes, Rane is the real chosen one, not Ashely and anyone who doesn’t see this coming has never read fantasy before, however the world these two modern American girls fall in to is anything but predictable.

3.       Good Direction

Score: ½

Every action and scene in this story, on a very basic level, makes sense. However my issue is that the author constantly sums things up. If the character Rane is sparing with an expert swordsmen, she “falls over without know what hit her”. Conversations and interactions integral to the plot often take place between scenes and are told to us via the narration, rather than us seeing them. Actions scenes are often summed up rather than giving a play by play. Yes, I really do believe the material here could be epic, but only if the author allows the story to be longer and take it’s time. When someone generates a ball of light to light his way through fog, I don’t want to read “he made a ball of light to light his path”, I want to read about the subtle hand gestures he made and how the ball materialized and what it actually looked like. Sure it’s just a ball of light, but remember, this is interesting because this is something that can’t be created in the real world.

4.       Author Interest

Score: 1

Lisa regularly looks for ways to promote and share her story.

5.       Believable Main Characters

Score: ½

This is another problem that stems from the author shortening her scenes. I got very little feel for the characters except for their personalities. I liked the personalities of the characters, but I never really got a feel for how they got from one point to the next. Rane, whom is from modern day America, accepts that she is in a magical realm with absolutely no convincing, she and Ashely are said to be at odds but never shown fighting, in the group she travels with there is a leadership structure that Rane picks up on, however it’s more assumed and explained than shown and various other examples. In other words, I don’t know if I can or can’t believe how these characters function, as I don’t see them functioning in the first place. The Heir feels like it’s a 100,000 word novel compressed into 40,000 words. Yes, the world Lisa creates could be as grand as a Terry Brooks novel, but she needs to slow down for this to happen.

6.       Likeable Main Characters

Score: 1

Lisa does actually explore the characters in her story enough for me to know what most of their basic personalities are. Truth is, what I got I actually liked. Rane is mature yet unsure of herself in a new world, plus she has a crush on Peter. Ashley is more accepting of her new home, but far less mature. However neither person is treated like a jerk in the book.

7.       Likeable Supporting Characters

Score: 1

Truth is, given how time often skips around in this story, it’s hard to tell who the side characters are  and who is supposed to be a main charater. Every character generally gets enough time to have their personality fleshed out, but often not enough time to follow any character arch. All of the characters are developed to a good starting point, however I find myself wanting more.

8.       Good Scene Description

Score: ½

The author really doesn’t describe her scenes very well. When horse men with magic nets come in and take down our heroes, I don’t know what the nets look like, I don’t know how the horsemen came in and the battle itself is jumbled. This happens many times. I guess this comes back again to the author needing to slow down. I think, if I might make a recommendation, I would say to write as much as she can into a scene and prune it later.

9.       Targeting

Score: 1

Really, if this story were fleshed out it would be a wonderful fantasy adventure and the writer does appear to know what she wants. She needs to slow down getting there, but she’s not lost on where she wants to go. Remember, in a story, the means often matter more than the ends.

10.   Broad Appeal

Score: 1

Again I’ll say it. The basic material is here for this to be an epic fantasy in the same vein as at least Terry Brooks, if not even Tolkien. Chases, escapes, fighting, monsters and a fully realized fantasy world. I would say this story needs to be revisited, but it would definitely be worth while to do that revisiting.

Questions about my reviews

Here are just some random question I’m sure people might ask about these reviews.

1.        Will you read and review my book if I DON’T read yours?

To be honest, unlikely. At the moment I’m backed up eight stories that I need to read for trades. I doubt Lost and Found would take more than a week or two for most folks to read, and if you want me to read and review you, but can’t even do me enough courtesy to lie to me and SAY you’ll read my story, I’m probably not gonna bother. (Not that I want to be lied to, but let’s face it, it’s a possibility.)

2.        Why do reviews?

Authonomy only offers five slots for book backings and even then they offer nothing to show folks WHY you decided to back a book. This is my way of recommending material beyond the book shelf.

3.        Would you ever subject your own stories to review?

I kinda doubt it would prove anything if I did. They’re my stories so naturally I’m not going to tear into them and if I felt something was seriously wrong with them, I would just fix them, not waste time reviewing. This is a process I go through to help others and to get them to hopefully direct traffic my way. Not sure if it’s paying off, but I’m trying anyway.

4.        What gives you the right to review?

Truth is, once material is on the web and in the public, review or parody is legal. Now normally when someone asks this, they mean what gives me the right to criticize their or someone else’s work of art? Frankly, if you made mistakes, you made them and getting after me won’t fix them. Besides, I don’t do reviews without permission, which keeps me from looking like a jerk just picking on folks.

5.        Why do you ask permission to review?

See above question. ^

6.        C’mon, what would you rate your own books?

Seriously, critics get asked this all the time about how they would rate their own material. Frankly I think this is a stupid question unless the material is a currently published or long abandoned project. If you must know, here:
-

Lost and Found I think was a pretty tight story. I’m sure I made grammar errors, possibly enough to warrant a ¾ rating there so, 11.75 out of 12. On objectionable material, a -2 for violence in which bad guys die, -2 for an innocent character being subjected to harsh imprisonment and finally -1 for very small amounts of blood shown only from non-fatal wounds. In all, objectionable material makes a -5.
 -

Traveler of the Mists has a terrible time with side characters besides Torkel and a few others, and the grammar could probably use polish, so I’d say about 10.5 out of 12. On objectionable material… oh dear. A -3 for blood and gore used to a near comically exaggerated effect. A -3 for both good and bad characters being frequently killed. A -1 for scenes meant to scare folks. And finally a -2 for glamorizing cartoonish evil. In all that’s a -9 on objectionable material, a new record!
 -

In my mind, that means nothing of course, since of course I would rate my own stories highly. I want to know what OTHER people think of them.

7.       Would you like to work with one of my fictional worlds in the Traveler series?

Would I?! I would love to work with almost anyone with an interesting story for Traveler. I would actually move your story to the top of the reading list for a chance to make sure Joshua has a new adventure waiting.  

8.       Have you ever read a book on authonomy you didn’t like?

Sure, I just generally don’t talk about them to anyone but the writers, or I just stop reading and move on.

9.       What does a book have to do to get a review?

Really, I just have to like it I suppose and think it has enough merit. If I think a story has a few great ideas but a review would make it look terrible, usually I just send a note to the writer to tell them how I think they need to fix things.

10.   Do you do negative reviews?

Why waste my time? There are dozens of bad books getting published every year and flaming negative reviews just get attention. No, I will not review stories for the sole purpose of beating them up. Also I refuse to post a review of a story, even one I like, if I know it will get a low score. Nothing below 6.5 will ever be featured

11.   Do you do follow up reviews for stories that got a lower score?

For score below 9 I would be willing to consider doing so, though I would generally appreciate some assurance that you’ve already read one of my stories before asking for a second review of your story.

Misconceptions of the Critics

The first article I made, independent of reviews was received… okay. I feel part of that might have been a resentment of critics in general. Especially in recent years, it seems the job of a critic has gone from informing the public about products like movies and books as well as helping writers and movie makers, to picking out perceived bad examples of movies and books, and perpetually thrashing them in a public outlet with no desire to evaluate or look at merits. It seems these days critics get paid to just be jerks, and to do so in public. I admit that actually I’m a fan of the guy who probably started the trend, the Nostalgia Critic. In my mind Doug is more concentrated on having fun, but there’s no denying that several of his clones just want to throw mud at productions they never gave a chance.

Several critics out there seem to exist for one reason and one reason only: to bash other peoples’ hard work, without mercy. Perhaps to distance myself a little from them, indulge me as I do a little correcting of them.

Before I begin, I feel the need to preface this by saying that critics that make these mistakes I’m about to list, technically AREN’T wrong. If a person doesn’t like a book or movie, then he doesn’t. His opinion is his opinion and he has a right to it and at least for him, it is correct. The person who says that Steven King books are boring, is right, in that they are boring for him. However where he is incorrect is in saying that the stories are bad because they don’t appeal to him personally. To correct a production he should be weighing the production’s pros and cons and evaluating it for legitimate flaws. And no, for a movie, “I don’t like CGI” is not a flaw, it’s an opinion. A flaw is “this CGI monster shows no interaction with the ground and therefore does not appear to be present”.

So just for a spot of revenge, let’s go over some things to help you pick out critics who’s productions aren’t worth while themselves. As they love top ten lists, here are the top ten “Stupid Misconceptions of Critics”.

(Note, it is easier to recall flaws and strengths in movies than books, so many of these examples will be from movies.)

(Also note. Yes, everything on this list can be considered opinion. You don’t have to agree.)

Misconception number 10- Top ten lists are not somehow arbitrary.

Yes you see… oh I see what you did there! Well technically yes, rankings are generally arbitrary and completely based on personal opinion. Even my own top four list was arbitrary, as while they may have been principals that are pretty well accepted, the order of their importance or difficulty is completely a matter of opinion. Stories with bad characterization can become interesting on a person to person basis, for instance, so wouldn’t that be a reason to put that flaw lower on the list? After all, such is a flaw that CAN be overlooked, therefore, Mr. Authonomy reviewer, is it then really that annoying or critical to correct?

Misconception number 9- This story is terrible because it’s not what I’m used to.

Eh em… THAT’S CALLED ORIGINALITY! No, if someone comes up with a new idea, that’s not a bad thing.

Let’s take the often attacked Twilight series for instance. Usually I dare not defend this series as I hate it myself, but in reality, I don’t think it deserves even half the flack it gets from vampire fan boys and fan girls. The main allegation I hear is not about the bad or mixed moral messages the productions tend to show (which I agree, were rampant in the first movie –the only one I saw-), but instead that Ms. Meyer should be lynched basically because she made a few changes to popular vampire lore. Foremost of these changes was taking away their vulnerability to the sun and instead making them hide from it because it makes them stick out via making them sparkle. Okay, so this isn’t a very intimidating thing, but let’s really think about what Stephanie changed shall we? Post Twilight, pop culture painted vampires as having a laundry list of weaknesses that constituted things  that could impede, injure or straight up kill them that included: moderate amounts of garlic, decapitation, stabbing through the heart, moderate amounts of silver, sun light, fire, crucifixes, moderate amounts of water blessed by a priest, the Bible, bright light, inability to wake during the day, intimidation by anything cute, being nigh mentally handicapped, having fragile bodies, etc, etc, etc… after all that, do they really sound intimidating anymore? What were the Meyer vampires like? Super strong, super fast, possessing telekinetic powers (I think) and nigh invulnerable with no phobias or defined weaknesses. That actually sounds MORE intimidating. If they didn’t sparkle, I wouldn’t see the problem really. I hate to say it, but if Dracula were to fight a Meyer vampire, he would be laughably outmatched. And as far as not being afraid of the sun eliminating conflict, as many allege, the conflict in Meyer’s stories was that the creatures had insatiable blood lusts. Sounds like a conflict to me if you don’t WANT to hurt humans. Them not having a vulnerability to sun light just shows them not having a weakness people are used to them having, but really, that’s not a problem. If they didn’t have an apparent reason to still hide from the sun but did so anyway, that would be a story flaw, but they did have a reason. A reason that I also thought was dumb, but that’s just opinion. In reality the idea made sense and fit the story just fine, as well as fit its intended audience (which thankfully, I am not a part of).

Misconception number 8- Originality is a virtue in it of itself.

No, it’s not. I saw Splice, it was original, but it was not good. Critics hailed it saying it was genius because of its originality. The originality was in that the terrifying creature that was set to supplant all mankind, had sex with both a man and a woman, whilst still looking like a creature. Can anyone tell me WHY both humans had sex with the creature? Can anyone tell me WHY the creature was not destroyed after it almost stung one of the scientists to death when it was an infant? Can anyone tell me WHY a female scientist said the creature was not a predator while watching it devour a rabbit right in front of her after chasing it down and killing it? None of these things were explained and they were all key points in the production. It helps that I hated the production itself, but it still had flaws that should not have been ignored by critics because it did some things they weren’t used to seeing. Besides, Splice being good because it was original, and Twilight being bad because it was original… isn’t someone going to notice these things are just opinions at some point? Personally I didn’t like seeing human on creature sex thank you, but someone else I’m sure did, as that’s the original concept that the critics hailed as so wonderful and smart and all made sure to keep as a surprise for movie goers. (Sorry to spoil the “surprise” that everyone wanted to hide, but in my personal opinion, it never should have been a “surprise” in the first place.) Point is, it’s a matter of opinion whether that raised the bar, or lowered it. Check the rating on Rotten Tomatoes. 74% of the critics like it, while 63% of the public didn’t. It’s possible that that is a result of certain things being considered universally revolting, but it’s also possible that an ultimately flawed story cannot be saved by a few original ideas.  

Misconception number 7- Wanting to do the right thing is not a motive and neither is wanting to be evil or a jerk.

To Mr. Snooty movie critic who feels a compulsion to attack every family movie I ever liked, yes, wanting to do the right thing is a motive, a very important one that a number of people have. Wanting to be a general jerk or even be evil is also a motive. Anyone who thinks wanting to be a jerk can’t be a human motive has lived a wonderfully sheltered life that I would love to trade places with. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if moral guidelines could not serve to motivate human responses, why do you think we came up with them in the first place? Essentially a myth has grown that human beings cannot be motivated by general ideas of morality or a lack thereof. Thankfully and unfortunately, they can.

Misconception number 6- Such and such is not my ideal, therefore it is bad.

This is a terrible misconception, and I believe, the worst offense. Touting a personal opinion as trump and a rule, without acknowledging it is just opinion. See what I did there? I’m sure someone was rolling his eyes at me until he realized the point of what I just said. I was demonstrating the concept of placing your opinion as a rule. That this is the worst offence is just an opinion that comes from personal dislike. That opinion is not based in any kind of fact and can’t be.  

Understand, I am not of the opinion that all critiques are opinion. (Notably that leaves room to say that some people are.) If you forgot a period on your sentence, that was a mistake in reality not in my opinion. If you did not create personalities for your characters, that is a problem, not a problem in my opinion (though I will admit it is borderline opinion as what constitutes a personality is different to each person). When someone defines a fictitious creature in a way folks aren’t use to, you saying it’s a bad redefinition, is an opinion, not a mistake on the writer’s behalf.  It is not wrong or a mistake to do something someone personally doesn’t like. It is a mistake to break basic rules of storytelling such as using proper enough grammar and incorporating logical direction and motives for your characters. (Unless you mean to do that I suppose.)

Case in point. Personally, I hate sexualization of monsters such as vampires and werewolves. I like feral creatures of the night to be powerful and intimidating, rather than attractive and piteous. The best combination for a vampire in my mind, is a creature with a feral body and a human mind, creating an interesting conflict between nature and reason. However most people I talk to see that as making vampires into werewolves, and argue that vampires should be reserved and intelligent creatures driven to mad cravings whom don’t overpower their prey, but outsmart and entice it. Neither opinion is right or wrong and I would never seek to say that a production is bad because it indulges the more popular view of vampires rather than my favored view. (A foremost reason for not caring, beyond realizing opinion is relative, and I’m gonna break hearts saying this, vampires don’t exist!)

Misconception number 5- Critics can’t be wrong.

Oh yes they can. If they were always right, The Passion of the Christ would not be one of the highest grossing films in history.

Hell, I’m wrong sometimes. Sometimes…

Misconception number 4- As a critic, I’m above criticism myself.

No, a critic is not above criticism. If someone films himself bashing a movie for bad special effects, and his own production, bashing the movie, has terrible incoherent jokes and special effects that make your eyes hurt… yea, he screwed up! And what’s more, the more you attack other people, the more you generally open yourself up to attack, so deal with it.

Misconception number 3- Critics can’t go too far

Actually yes they can. The hounding of Stephanie Meyer’s books and movies has gone beyond any form of reason and the same can be said of the treatment of the Star Wars prequels.  When you start insulting the writers themselves as individuals, you as a critic have gone too far. As a critic you are not judging whether someone has any talent at all, you are evaluating what they have produced and whether it is good. You are evaluating the product, not the person.  

Misconception number 2- All criticism is constructive.

I don’t think Geroge Lucas can actually get anything useful out of even half the names he’s been called. “I don’t like CGI, and have no standards for when it’s good or bad” is not constructive criticism, it’s a useless gripe. “Vampires sparkling is emasculating” is little more than an opinion, even if I do share it.

And the number one misconception critics make- Critics are crusaders that are slowly changing the face of media.

Yes, it happens once in a blue moon that a critic will point out a major flaw in a production and its ratings will suddenly turn sour in spite of previous public adoration. However generally critics are just offering opinions and the public will think what it wants regardless.

Do not take any of these ideas as me saying all criticism of all stories should be ignored outright. Rather take it as, not all criticism is valid, and not everything a critic says is holy. When you receive critiques, or when you give them, evaluate what is being said. Is what is being said actually helpful or informative, or is it just a personal opinion?